There’s always been something so absurd about infomercials. They soak into your eyeballs late at night when you’re at your most vulnerable. The hype marketing, the limited time offers, the bizarre contraptions that seem to solve problems you never even knew you had. The merchandise is all mostly crap but join us as we take a look at 10 of the worst infomercial products ever.
The Comfort Wipe
Are you out of breath by the time you sit on the can? Can’t be bothered reaching down to wipe your own arse? Well thanks to the Comfort Wipe you’ll never have to manually wipe your butt again. Simply attach paper to the mechanism and revel in the shame and embarrassment of having to use a toilet wand to clean yourself.
The Hawaii Chair
The Hawaii Chair is an office chair that rotates your hips while you work and that’s about it. The cushion oscillates at a rapid pace making it hard to do simple office tasks like typing and talking on the phone. With a slogan like ‘if you can sit, then you can get fit’ I’m surprised people everywhere aren’t tearing at their pockets for this product.
The Tiddy Bear
The Tiddy Bear solves a problem no one’s ever had. This bizarre little bear is designed to be attached to your car seat belt to create a gap between your person and the belt itself, apparently allowing people all over America to drive again. Pricing in at $14.95 you’d probably get more satisfaction stuffing your money into a paper shredder than buying this product.
Rejuvenique Electric Facial Mask
Have you ever wanted to look like Michael Myers while getting a rejuvenating facial treatment? Well thanks to the Rejuvenique Electric Facial Mask you can look like an axe murderer and have a questionable workout all at the same time. Sit back and relax as 26 electrodes zap your face beautiful – what could possibly go wrong?
The Free Flexor
You may have seen this one floating around the internet. It’s the highly homoerotic Free Flexor. Essentially it’s two balls attached to a bar that wobble about. It was pitched as the revolution in workouts. Simply jiggle it and wiggle it and watch the patented floppy ball motion go to work, delivering the most stimulating and embarrassing workout you’ve ever had.
The Fluidity Barre
The Fluidity Barre is a horizontal bar that you hold while you do basic exercises. But it’s not just any bar because this bar is spelled barre so you know it’s going to be great. And don’t even think you can get away with doing the same exercises holding on to the back of a chair or a wall or a fence or bench or doorway or pole or tree, no you’re an idiot for even thinking that. How much would you expect to pay for this complete at-home horizontal bar? $20? $30? No, the Fluidity Barre has a low introduction trial of just $14.95. Followed by 10 monthly payments of $39.95. OR you can buy it outright for just $399.50, that’s right $399.50 and you get this incredible horizontal plank of wood! WOW. You won’t have to bear the weight of that money anymore, making you feel lighter and more agile in seconds.
This is GLH, Great Looking Hair in a can. It’s spray on hair. It’s the grand daddy of bad infomercials. For just $19.95 you can experience that special feeling of false confidence as you cruise around town with a full head of something. You’ll get the attention you’ve always wanted for all the wrong reasons.
Here’s another highly suggestive workout device that will have you questioning your sexuality in no time. Simply jack the Shake Weight up and down until you’re sweaty all over, shirtless and panting. You’ll stroke yourself fit with the power of dynamic inertia. Release all that pent-up tension as you moan your way to six-pack abs. Shake Weight – touch it now!
Sauna Pants are a pair of shorts built to give you an at-home sauna experience. Simply adjust the temperature and enjoy that hot, soupy feeling of sweaty underwear all year round. You’ll be uncomfortable and get none of the benefits of a real sauna. Thanks Sauna Pants!
At last you don’t have to use the toilet like a savage while playing golf. The UroClub is designed to look like an ordinary golf club with a reservoir for you to pee into. It comes with a discreet towel so you can just flop it out on the 9th and go for gold. If you don’t get done for indecent exposure you’ll be swinging pretty all the way to the club house. Truly one of the worst infomercial products ever!