Forgettable Nintendo Characters
Everyone loves Mario and all his close Nintendo friends. We’ve all been on unforgettable adventures through Vanilla Dome and Hyrule, on foot and on kart. But what about those characters that aren’t so memorable, the ones that didn’t quite get their own game, the ones that are just a little bit shit?
So join us as we take a stroll down Nintendo’s B street.
Pauline
Pauline is like the original drummer for The Beatles, she got fired before everyone else got ridiculously famous. First staring as the damsel in distress in Donkey Kong in 1981, Pauline had the enviable role as Mario’s love interest. She was set to be the next big thing until a crazed monkey took her to the top of a series of increasingly intricate obstacle courses. She didn’t make it easy for Mario, clumsily dropping her hat, parasol and purse all over the set. It’s said that Mario had a word to the director about her being stubborn talent – she scarcely worked again except for cameos in Pinball and Famicom Basic. I think Luigi might still visit her.
Captain Syrup Kyaputen Shiroppu
With a name like Captain Syrup it’s a wonder why we don’t remember this gem character. Playing the villain in Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3 and Wario Land II, Syrup was a bad ass pirate and part-time inventor. Hailing from Kitchen Island she would sail the high seas plundering and arrrring in the S.S Teacup. Following low ratings and reports of theft on the set of Wario Land: Shake It! her career took a turn. It’s reported that she now works as a croupier in Vegas. Talk about a forgettable Nintendo character.
Wrinkly Kong
This burnt out old tap dancer never really did anything – she floundered in the wake of Cranky Kong’s success. Starring in such yawn-worthy scenes as Wrinkly’s Save Cave and Wrinkly’s Refuge, it just never quite clicked. Sources say that she’d even hide bizarre hand-carved Banana Birds in other actors’ trailers, ranting that she could ‘save your game’. Sorry Wrinkly but that’s just bananas. Sadly she passed away some years ago.
Toadette
Despite being in quite a lot of games Toadette is just plain forgettable. She landed roles in several Mario Karts and appeared frequently in the popular Mario Party franchise but couldn’t quite shake being typecast. Following the controversy of her ‘brother sister’ relationship with Toad, the public never quite warmed to her. It’s rumoured she has landed a role in the upcoming blockbuster Mario’s Moustache, set to play hysterical mushroom number 3.
Wart
This guy would have thought he’d made it. Following the huge success of King Koopa in Super Mario Bros. Wart played the antagonist in the sequel Super Mario Bros. 2. However following the change in art style, audiences didn’t receive the sequel well, with critics barking: ‘What is this shit?’ and ‘It’s all a dream? What a wank!’ Sources report that Wart didn’t take the negative press well, turning up naked after 5 day mushroom and star-power binges. Many years later he landed a cameo under the alias Mamu in The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening where critics thought his performance was solid but he has since made no attempt at returning to acting.
