Black magic goat, international spy pigeon, immigrant primate – what do all these animals have in common? Well they’ve all been arrested. That’s right animals that have been arrested. So why don’t you shuffle to the edge of your seat and set your eye-brows to stun because this list is a doozy.
Donkey Arrested for Assault and Battery
Back in 2008 a Donkey in Mexico did hard time for assaulting two men. It was reported that the offending ass bit and kicked the men in a violent rage before it was finally detained and put behind bars in a jail normally reserved for public drunkenness. Police said it took six men to apprehend the tyrannical donkey-bandit, with arresting officer Sinar Gomez having this to say: ‘Around here, if someone commits a crime they are jailed, no matter who they are.’
Monkey Detained for Illegal Border Crossing
December 2011, a monkey was arrested after it crossed the border from India into Pakistan’s Punjab province. Locals unsuccessfully tried to capture the immigrant simian before officials were notified and the monkey was finally nabbed and detained for trespassing. An animal rights group in India rallied for the welfare of the imprisoned primate calling for Pakistan’s head envoy to maintain the monkey’s rights.
MONKEY MANDATE: MAINTAIN MONKEY FREEDOMS!
Mad Cow Arrested for Murder
Back in 2005 police in Nigeria arrested a cow for murder. It was reported that a man urinating on the side of the road was attacked by the enraged animal. It repeatedly battered the man with its horns and hooves until he died. The police relied on ingenuity and cunning to detain the beast before taking it down town for questioning.
Black magic goat suspected of armed robbery
In 2009 vigilantes turned a black and white goat over to the police on suspicion of armed robbery. It was reported that a group of hoodlums attempted to steal a Mazda 323. The vigilantes pursued the assailants through a parking lot, one managed to escape while the other, in an attempt to evade police, transformed into a goat – clever bastard. The animal remained in custody however police maintained that they required scientific evidence that the man had indeed turned into a goat.
No Mr Pigeon I expect you to die
International bird of mystery. In 2010 a pigeon was held captive by Indian police on suspicion of espionage – that’s right spy pigeon. When found by officials, the bird had a ring around its foot, a phone number from Pakistan and a mysterious address tattooed on its body in red ink (Cue stylised Bond intro, birds flapping, guns shooting). Police officer Ramdas Jagjit Singh Chahal announced to the press that they suspected that the bird was carrying a secret message although no traces of a note were ever found.
The pigeon was held under tight surveillance, senior officers were to be updated three times per day. There was to be no visitors as it was announced that the bird was on a ‘special mission of spying’.