Following on from PART 1 of our look at lame super heroes, apparently there are a plethora of B and C list super heroes that never get any attention. From the powers of a squirrel to outrageous French stereotypes join us for PART 2 of our look at lame super heroes that just don’t cut the mustard.
Meet Doreen Green she is Squirrel Girl, a mutant super-heroine in the Marvel Comics Universe. Her powers afford her the grace and agility of a squirrel. She has a four-inch prehensile tale and strong buck teeth that can chew through wood, oh and she commands a legion of squirrels. The most striking super abilities at her disposal are that her lips taste of hazelnuts and she flies a gyrocopter called a ‘squirrel-a-gig’ – yep she’s super in a kind of ‘special’ way. In fact, this character was so lame that Marvel relegated her to a nanny position, looking after the kids of some other, more important superhero.
It must have been a slow day at the DC comics’ office when they created Bouncing Boy. He is Chuck Taine, a member of the Legion of Super-heroes and he has the ability to inflate and bounce like a ball. Conveniently he gains momentary invulnerability when bouncing like a ball and can at best wind his adversaries when he slams into them dodge ball style. He is probably the most useful at the end of year BBQ when his super hero colleagues call for a spontaneous game of volley ball.
Super Dupont is a French comic strip created in the early 70’s that somehow managed to run into the mid 90’s. Dupont is a mish-mash of French stereotypes caricatured to excess. He sports a beret, a blue, white and red jersey, often carries a baguette, smokes Gauloises cigarettes, drinks red wine and only eats French cheese. He shares similar powers to Superman but is all round less impressive. He is sworn to defend his country against a terrorist organisation called ‘Anti-France’, a rogue group of foreigners that speak a fictional language called Anti-Francais which is a mixture of English, Spanish, Italian, Russian and German.
Admittedly this character is a parody of superman and more of a comment on staunch nationalistic perceptions of a country’s identity which does edge it out of the boundaries of lame but it’s just such a bizarre creation that we just had to add it to this list.
Axel Cluney better known at Zeitgeist is a bizarre creation from Marvel Comics. His only special power is that he can vomit acid that is capable of melting steel. He first discovered his ability when on a nervous first date he accidently vomited on the girls face when going in for a kiss. The poor girl was horribly disfigured from the experience and barely managed to survive. Zeitgeist concluded the date with a flippant remark: ‘I sure hope the doctors managed to give her back her pretty face.’
Another brain fart from the clowns down at DC comics. This is Ulu Vakk or The Color Kid. When assisting a scientist on an experiment Ulu Vakk was exposed to a multi-coloured beam of light from a another dimension giving him the ability to change the colour of anything and everything. I can’t think of any major practical uses for this ability other than becoming a mildly amusing prankster. He could cause disarray changing the colour of Skittles, mixing up traffic lights or creating a sleepless night after the Justice League’s annual medical check-up.